last wednesday's prayer

"For great is your love toward me;
you have delivered me from the depths of the grave."
-Psalm 86:13

Father God,
So much has happened inside and around me. I see that I've been trying to go it on my own because I don't like your way, or I'm scared of it, or the mystery of it paralyzes me. I want to abandon myself to your will, but I'm not sure what that means. What, in all practicality, does it mean? It seems like I'm always digging myself into a pit and then crying for you to drag me out of it. I tell myself that's not fair to you and I should climb out on my own, since I got myself into the mess in the first place. But the truth is, God, digging myself into a pit is all I can do. I lie to myself, to you, to everyone else to think otherwise. Only you can keep my feet from slipping, only you can free them from the snare. SO I can either keep digging, or I can put down my shovel and let you pull me out. Lord, I'm muddy, sore, and exhausted, and I'm ready to be rescued. Please rescue me from myself.